4

My bed leaves bad memories, and bloodstains,
All the marks on the walls, from where i lay,
Punching holes into the wall, to fade away,
The tulips that lie on my bedside,
With a fragranced note attached,

I have one goal, one achievement, one aim,
One bad reputation, two lies, seven claims,
But flowers are better than kisses,
Becuase flowers die faster, but smell much nicer,

I must thank you, as i soon depart,
Not forever, but just from your arms,
I am happy now that i am with you,
But i will never, be able to tell you i love you,
However true it is, i refuse to speak the words,
Because i love you, is so powerful and true it hurts,

The pain caused by love, is more than war,
All is not fair,
A broken heart lasts a lot longer than a scar,

I want these good things to last forever,
Because i see the truth in you, but its compelling,
Me to see your dirty side, and i want to be inside,
I want to touch you, i want to bend to your will,
But i will never say so many things, but i love you still,

The present lasts forever, and me and you are now,
So lets take these feelings in grace,
Within solitude and darkness lies the one thing,
I will never speak, But i will think, Now and forever,
I love you~

The pain caused by love, is more than war,
All is not fair,
A broken heart lasts a lot longer than a scar,

3

I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles
I am heaven sent
My tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart  
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not...
I'm glad that you can forgive, 
I'm only hoping as time goes you can forget
I've got desperate desires and unadmirable plans, 
my tongue will taste of gin and malicious intent
I will lie  awake, 
lie for fun and fake the way I hold you, 
let you fall for every empty word I say
If you let me have my way I swear I'll tear you apart
If I could I would shrink myself, 
sink through your skin to your blood cells, 
remove whatever makes you hurt,
but I am too weak to be your cure
Take heart, sweetheart, or I will take it from you
I realize that everyone who lives will someday die and die alone
As long as you're alive and care, I promise I will take you there
Today I fell and felt better
And now it seems that I have found nothing at all
Without it all, I'm choking on nothing, 
it's clear in my head, I'm screaming for something, 
knowing nothing is better than knowing it all
I must abuse myself I'm against all that I've made up
Hit me, knock me out and let me go back to sleep
I'm far from lonely and it's all that I've got
Free from the torment of sin, all this I'm giving up
I want the pain of payment
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace, 
I pray,beg for anything to hit me in the face, 
and this sickness isn't me, 
I pray to fall from grace, 
the last thing I see is feeling, 
and I'm telling you I'm a fake.

2

choke up afterthoughts of my intoxication

like i drink up memories of our lost attraction

i cant live without you, without 'us'

when i cant have you, i get close

to some guy but im only thinking of you

they dont notice my love for them is fake

i wont i cant stop my deadly addiction

until you return to me

and only me to love and cherish

even then i make no promices of relinquishment

what's done is done no time for last minute changes

but i'll keep at my awful game

allowing the nightly torture

waiting for your call to save my life

At the same time i dread the day u return

for you'll smell the defeat upon my breath

and ill see the disappointment in your eyes

my heart will crumble once again

this time to dust.

ive lost you once, twice... too much to remember

somehow ive forgotten how life was with you... without you.

My only wish on that shootin star is for another chance

 loved the way u moved with me in your arms

I'm more than you deserve

and im too good for this liquor

yet with each sip i get closer

to my blissfull happiness

the only place you're always with me.

.1

Wrists infected 

Torment gathering

Body breaking down, slowly shattering

Blood dropping

Tears never stopping

Hands violently shaking

Lose of blood, dizziness overtaking

A broken heart and a fragile soul

he left her there
      With nothing
but a broken heart 
and a fragile soul-

                             Sitting in a corner lonely and cold

                             Stranded, lost, dazed and confused

                             She wonders what he thinks

                                                                Does he care?

Just a little-

because
      hes alone
Nobody to lean on
Nobody that cares

                              Sitting in a corner hurting and bleeding
                              Stranded, lost, dazed and confused
                              she wonders what he thinks
                                                           wonders if  he cares?

Maybe-

Because the world is spinning
And hes just sitting
Drinking away the sorrows of his nights
Wondering how long it takes to die from a shattered heart

                                Sitting in a corner crying alone
                                Stranded, lost, dazed and confused
                                she wonders what he thinks
                                                                   Does he mind?

Not really-

he is leaving her behind
Running out of tears to cry
His soul gets weaker
Ripping and bleeding
Wondering what he may become

                                Sitting in the dark shivering and crying
                                Scared and wondering
                                What exactly is he thinking
                                she doesn't dare ask if he cares

he's in the corner

Lonely and cold

With a look in his eyes that she knows

Stranded, lost, confuzed and dazed

his eyes are even becoming glazed

What will she do when the world fades completely

Left behind and forgotten

Broken and sore

she wants more

but he left her there

With nothing

but a broken heart and a fragile soul-

so to the cruel world surrounding her-

she says goodbye.  

Worthless

I just want to know what is so bad about me.
I used to think it was just my confidence level.
but now I’m really starting to believe it really is just me.
I’m a terrible person.
I talk too much
I whine too much
I complain too much
I’m too needy
I’m a bitch
I’m  self centered
I’m dumb
I’m annoying
I ‘m not confident enough therefore
I let people walk all over me
and that makes me weak.

Because of all this

I am  worthless

The Rainbow In My Eyes

sitting alone perturbed in the gloam

the darkness unbearbale

the sadness fullblown

the day was so grey

but then your light was shown

a vast and beautiful rainbow

of silver and of gold

intoxicating so pretty

so habitual to hope

that someday I'll be with you

that your embrace I'll know

though already, I feel it

my heart, you some how chose

to be fed and to glow

fed by your love

fed by your glow

I want to kiss your skin

build the warmth I lack within 

you could start a fire

I'm ready to ingnite

my sould is the pyre

your essance is the light

living like a hole

so deep, traversed, yet so unkown

fall into me

and fall into your grave

just fall into me

fall...you cannot be saved

no, I'd fall into you

just never let me go

resltess, alone

depressed, pissed and cold

I lie awake

I sink like a stone

thrown across a lake

to shores of no haope

where everything is grey

and by now I'm just bones

at least nothing here is fake

except the concept of home

stuck in a hole

I'm all alone

bleeding profusely

losing my soul

so take me, away from here

so wake me, from this nightmare

then make me, confront my fears

but dont forsake me, because I'm all out of those tears

cause my mind works in fucked up ways

slowly translating day by day

the feelings felt, the choices made

the things I never really say

the smallest thoughts inside my brain

the fickle shit that doesn't stay the same

I feel like this now, but tomorrow will change

I hate you now, but in love remains

so deep inside it fucking aches

it fucking aches, the fucking pain

but you're the rainbow in my eyes

'casue you are the light that always shines

when Im sad, and when I cry

when things seem bad and I want to die

you're the strange glow in my eyes

you give me life because your alive

you give me a reason to live

a reason to try

a reason to feel and a reason to die

you take me out from the inside

I no longer need to hide

the storm is all over

and I am alright

you are my elation...the rainbow in my eyes

we'll watch a condle with its flickering flame

so like yourself, so much the same

addicitve and intoxicating

entrancing and so facinating

you're so much more than just a face

oh  how I'd die for your embrace

your breath taking beauty

to me your a blaze

the rainbow that so welcome within my eyes

because so often I seem to cry

I'd suffocate  my whole life

and choke on the fruit of your soul that so ripe

the sweetes poison upon the knive of your cries

stabbing me and grabbing me,

though somehow keeping me alive

I inhale your smoke, you get me so high

so drunk on the hope with this inebrating pride

oh how I love you

love you for this light

you are a god so divince

a god in my mind

and you are the rainbow in my eyes

because when I am down

you always seem to shine

you always seem to shine.....